12. Don't try to take the pain away

C.S. Lewis in A Grief Observed said of his wife - "Her absence is like the sky - it covers everything". The mourner is totally preoccupied with the person who has died.

The pain of grief is hard to endure. But it's an important part of the work the survivor must do to adjust to the fact that their loved one is gone. Don’t protect them from it. If you attempt to shield them from their grief, you will get in the way of the process.

People often try to comfort mourners by urging them to "snap out of it," "keep busy," or "stop dwelling on it." Such comments encourage the survivor to doubt their feelings or hide them from you. Mourning is difficult work. Some of the work of mourning is done in solitude and some in the company of loving and supporting people. There is a need for the mourner to move towards the pain in order to heal.